Philip Shropshire over at Three Rivers Online has an update on his site saying that we here at T&A are “mock proud” of the distinction he gave us. (I assume he came to that conclusion after he read my post on the subject.)

Allow me to clarify. We truly are proud that we were recognized and earned a slot on a fellow blogger’s link page. It’s cool to know someone actually reads our site and feedback is always welcome. We are also truly proud that he gave our logo comprised of hot babe parts a distinct honor not bestowed on any other Pittsburgh blog. So the only “mock” around here is laying in a drawer upstairs on the collar of a turtle neck Aunt Edna bought me for my birthday a few years back. I never wear it but feel guilty throwing it away while she is still alive, but I digress. Perhaps the confusion came from the title of the post, “T&A Honored (I guess).” The word “honored” was used in the same sense as in the sentence “the Baseball Hall of Fame honored Joe DiMaggio.” I threw in the “I guess” part because I didn’t want to presume that the recognition T&A received was at the level of being “honored” by Mr. Shropshire. I hope that makes sense and that this cleared up any misunderstanding.

Group hug.

After glancing at the ol’ list of referrers to the ol’ T&A blog, I noticed that we’re linked on the Link Collections page over at Three Rivers Online with the description “Oddly horny blog image and funny acronym.” T&A is listed under the “Well Versed Wide Interest Aspiring Punditry And/or Indescribable” category. (Oddly enough, along with “human tripod”, “well versed wide interest aspiring punditry and/or indescribable” was one of my nicknames in high school.) We here at T&A are thankful and honored for this distinction. We’re a bit disappointed for not earning a spot in the list of top dozen or so Pittsburgh blogs, but at least that gives us something to shoot for, a goal, our “nugget” in business jargon.

Perhaps even more exciting and humbling is that out of all the blogs from Pittsburgh Webloggers, of which Philip Shropshire states he reviewed every one, Mr. Shropshire says that the T&A montage at the top of our page, our logo if you will, receives his “award for the blog with the horniest logo.” Now that’s cool. High five!

But as the designer and creator of that image, I feel I should clarify the intention of the image. The image is not meant to convey a message of horniness or to suggest that the theme of the T&A blog is sexual in nature. Although we do not shy away from discussing sex; sweet, sweet, boobs; or affairs of the heart, Tunesmith and I do not consider that to be the blog’s theme. In fact, we have no theme. We are the “Seinfeld” of blogs in that sense. And our intention is certainly not to offend. The image is merely an extension of the play on words (or letters in this case) of the “T&A” acronym and a visual representation of the “T&A” moniker. If I could have my way, that logo would show bare boobs and ass, but like I said, we don’t want to offend. So there you have it. Although Tunesmith and I are most likely the horniest bloggers, a hat we wear proudly, the purpose of the blog is not sexual in nature.

But while we’re on the subject, Three Rivers Online has a link to what they call the Red Light District worth checking out. There are some fine pictoriolas. Fetch your bottle of Jergens and a box of tissues and check it out.

As 2004 quickly draws to a close, it is once again time for my annual predictions for the new year.

1. A Democrat will be elected as the next mayor of Pittsburgh. He will most likely be of Irish heritage.
2. Will Ferrell will appear bare-bellied in yet another movie. This will still be funny.
3. Charley Pride will abandon his country music roots to record a hip-hop album at age 67 and finally stop referring to himself as a “Negro.”
4. Tragedy will befall a crowd of 20,000 concert goers attending a Diana Krall show in Amsterdam when after the jazz crooner’s 3rd number, the entire crowd will fall asleep. A lit clove cigarette falling from the mouth of a dozing fan will set the venue on fire, killing all in attendance including Krall.
5. Actor Barry Pepper who starred as Roger Maris in 61* and Dale Earnhardt in 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story will earn critical acclaim for his portrayal of Laverne Smith in 37: The Laverne Smith Story, the moving story of a promising running back drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1977 who suffered a career-ending broken leg in a preseason game. Pepper will receive a Golden Globe for his best performance to date, showing exceptional range and emotion in his portrayal of a young man whose dream of playing in the NFL is shattered and who faces the adversity of growing up with the first name Laverne. Pepper’s performance will also mark the first convincing portrayal of an African-American by a Caucasian.
6. In a case of mistaken identity, WTAE meteorologist Don Schwenneker will be physically attacked by a left-wing radical who mistakes Mr. Schwenneker for controversial radio and cable TV host Fred Honsberger.
7. Rich Hall will regain popularity as a whole new generation discovers Sniglets.
8. After 2 weeks of mourning the death of his wife Diana Krall, Elvis Costello wastes no time “fart-arseing about” and marries Lisa Gerrard of goth duo “Dead Can Dance” fame stating that he needs a mate that records more upbeat music than his late wife.
9. The last known bottle of mucilage in existence will garner $15,000 on Ebay. The seller will be identified as a Pittsburgh bakery truck driver.
10. Wisconsin construction worker Alfred Crohn will be awarded $30 million for pain and suffering after filing suit against the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention and the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America. Official court documents will reflect claims by Mr. Crohn that he has suffered lost wages and mental anguish as a result of having the last name Crohn which the medical field has negligently used in referring to the irritable bowel ailment, Crohn’s Disease.
11. I will get more ass than a rental car.

I don’t like to post links to news articles because there are 5 million blogs that already do that, and I find the whole practice terribly trite and unoriginal, but I couldn’t pass this one up. From the New York Daily News:

Bus ban on sex ads

Slang for oral sex has MTA officials furious

Clothing maker Akademiks’ ad on buses uses slang for sex — and suggestive pose.

Read books, get sex: That’s what racy advertisements on hundreds of city buses are suggesting to teens - and red-faced transit bosses are outraged.

The salacious ads by hip-hop clothing line Akademiks declare: “Read Books, Get Brain.”

But kids say “get brain” does not mean smarts. It’s slang for oral sex. And the company behind the ads told the Daily News the slogan choice was no mistake.

Read the rest.

Here’s one of the ads.

There’s something written on her ass. I think it says “Akademiks.” Does reading her ass mean I’ll get sex? Does reading ass count? I could read that ass all day and all night long. Booya!

But maybe the folks at Akademiks are on to something. The teaching methods employed by school districts throughout the country are obviously not working. Personally, if there was a correlation between the number of books that I read and the frequency of having sex, I’d never leave the library, except to have sex. Hell, I’d buy a library and live in it.

Wait! There’s more!

The story doesn’t end with the “get brain” controversy. Upon closer inspection by someone operating the L-train, the ads also contain a secret reference to the N-word. Read on.

We had a small holiday party in the office today, and I had to contribute a dessert item. I stopped at a local bakery this morning and picked up a Boston cream pie. Walking the few blocks from my car to the office carrying the Boston cream pie, I realized there is no cool or masculine way to carry a bakery cake box. With my briefcase strap slung across one of my shoulders, it was too awkward to carry the box by holding it from underneath, and therefore I had to grasp the white box by the string tied around it as if I was controlling a marionette. I felt like Tony Randall, like a real fancy boy. I couldn’t wait to duck into my building out of public view.

A few things occurred to me while I was watching the bakery maiden tie up the cake box from the magical string dispenser hanging over head. Bakeries (I’m talking about small neighborhood bakeries—not ones inside of Shop-N-Save) are probably the only food-related businesses that have never updated their containers. What the hell does that mean? Well, I’ll tell you. When you go into a local bakery and ask for a dozen donuts, what does the bakery gal do? She reaches under the counter and pulls out that white piece of oddly shaped cardboard, which she proceeds to magically fold into a box. It’s a miracle to watch really; America’s answer to origami. Then after filling the box with toothsome pastries, she reaches up for the magic twine dispenser and proceeds to tie that mother secure enough to withstand a category 3 hurricane. This box and string combination has not changed in decades, and I can’t think of any other food-related business that has failed to advance like bakeries have failed to embrace new concepts in donut or pie packaging. For example, the cardboard used in pizza boxes has advanced to corrugation, and the little plastic round coffee table-looking thing placed in the middle of the pie to prevent your order of Crazy Bread from shmooshing your pizza has increased in popularity over the years. Although Chinese restaurants still employ the infamous Chinese food container with the wire handle and picture of a dragon boat on the side, they are using plastic Tupperware-like containers for take out more frequently. Do you mean to tell me that the create-a-box and twine are the state of the art for the bakery industry? I find that hard to believe.

And I’m always amazed by those string dispensers that hang from the ceilings of these bakeries. They differ from bakery to bakery, but they all look like they are from the 1950’s with heavy chrome accents and look like they weigh about 50 pounds. Perhaps what I find more amazing is that someone actually had the idea of making these things. Who was the baker that was so inconvenienced by having string on the counter that he/she decided to have these things manufactured or decided to pitch the idea to a company to have them manufacture them? There was probably a patent filed which most likely involved attorneys, I would think the design would involve someone like an engineer, marketing and finance guys to determine the market, pricing, and manufacturing costs. It seems to me that’s a lot of trouble and expense to incur just to get the string off of the counter. Perhaps that’s the wonder of America. Some countries have yet to figure out a way to maintain clean water supplies while we master the overhead string dispenser.

But this chick who waited on me at the bakery was hot. She was a real tomato. Easy on the eyes. A real dish. I called her “cupcake” but I don’t think she got the joke. I’d like to get my hands on that petticoat, I tell ya.