I didn’t go into work today because I’m not feeling well. This post is all over the place. Blame it on the cough medicine.

I’ve come down with a bit of a chest cold and hence my voice is about 2 octaves lower than usual. Being one to look on the bright side of things, I put my temporarily deeper voice to good use by calling everyone I know and singing the Lowenbrau song to them.

Staying home sick is not as fun as it was when I was a kid. I couldn’t find a single episode of Gomer Pyle, the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dick Van Dyke Show on TV today.

I wonder if Leon Redbone gets a lot of tail. He probably does. Life is THAT unfair.

When is this Great Society that LBJ spoke of going to be complete?

Will Fidel Castro please die already? A great-uncle of mine, born in the Old Country at the turn of the century, used to have a poodle. He used to feed that dog blocks of imported Italian cheese and bowls of ice cream. Needless to say, the poodle was quite fat. During one visit to this great-uncle’s home when I was a child, there was a story about Fidel Castro on TV, I think it might have been 60 Minutes. Anyway, my uncle looks at Fidel Castro and says, “Look at that dirty son-of-a-bitch.” Pointing to his poodle, he added, “The only difference between him and this dog is that Fidel Castro is the leader of Cuba.” Indeed.

A week has passed since Johnny’s death. Often times, it’s more interesting to reflect on how a celebrity’s death was covered in the media than it is to reflect on the person himself.

I was a Johnny Carson fan. In my mind, he was the Sinatra or Elvis of his genre. When I was a kid, my older brother would let me stay up and watch the Tonight Show with him during the summer when school was out. I probably didn’t understand half the jokes, but by watching Johnny Carson I was fortunate enough to be exposed to such talents as Pete Barbutti, Joe Williams, Pete Fountain and David Steinberg at a young age. The Tonight Show was also probably the only outlet where one could see and hear B.B. King back then. But Johnny’s death brings about emotions that I can only categorize as weird. Unlike anyone who achieved a comparable level of fame, Johnny Carson chose to stay out of the spotlight after he left the Tonight Show and therefore, America mourned the loss of Johnny when he retired from TV and never returned. Saying Johnny will be missed now is a sentiment that comes 13 years too late.

Perhaps the most striking aspect of Johnny Carson’s death has been the “celebrities” that have crawled out of the woodwork to be interviewed about the man. Whether it’s been on the Larry King Show, Entertainment Tonight or ABC’s World News Tonight, I have seen a virtual parade of two-bit has-beens, bootlickers and untalented castaways who seemed to have popped figurative boners the instant that their phones rang with the request to be interviewed on camera. For a man who was such a legend, are Joey Lawrence, Paul Anka and the “Potato Chip Lady” the best they could come up with? And what has made this hangers-on harangue even more troubling is that each one of these parasites has used these interviews not to pay homage to the man who played a significant role in their success, but to toot their own horns. What was meant as Johnny’s informal send off has turned into the last hurrah for these mooks as they realize that Johnny’s death marks the end of any reason for anyone to give a rat’s ass about what they have to say.

It comes as no surprise that Ed McMahon would be the first to be dusted off and paraded before the cameras to talk about his old boss. Here is a hack with no talent who was lucky enough to possess a deep voice and was able to latch on to Johnny before he became famous. If you are in a particularly masochistic mood, I suggest you read the transcript of the January 24 Larry King Live episode in which McMahon appeared along with Doc Severinsen. I had the misfortune of watching this broadcast, and Ed McMahon spent more time talking about how he thought up the wacky introduction for Carnac than he did trying to give us any unique perspectives on the famously private Johnny Carson. As an aside, what is up with McMahon’s nose? It looks like it belongs on a shrunken apple head.

I also watched last Monday’s Tonight Show that Jay Leno dedicated to paying tribute to Johnny. I think that marked the first time I watched Jay Leno since the first week he took over the Tonight Show 12 or 13 years ago. He’s still incredibly painful to watch. After his hypocritical monologue of which he clumsily and flatly read verbatim from cue cards and in which he praised Johnny, Ed McMahon made another appearance.

By far the most disturbing and offensive interview I caught was that of Rich Little on Inside Edition. The Inside Edition web site offers this synopsis of the story: “Comedian Rich Little made people, including Johnny Carson, laugh with his dead on impersonations of the Tonight Show host. But when time came to remember Johnny, Little was left out. And as Inside Edition finds, he’s a little miffed about that.” Stunning. I understand John Byner was equally peeved for not being asked to sing at Mel Torme’s funeral a few years ago.

For a man who had such a huge influence on television and the entertainment industry as a whole, the media has done a dismal job of honoring Johnny Carson. The media sucks ass anyway, so I can’t say that I’m surprised. Letterman returns tonight from vacation. I’m sure he’ll have something dignified and heartfelt to say.

With the success of Bob Dylan’s memoirs called "Chronicles: Volume 1" other artists are throwing their offerings into the ring. Now, don’t get me wrong I like to hear the stories about groupies,sexual escapades and drinkfests as much as the next guy but some of these stories we don’t need to hear. Isn’t their music bad enough?

Coming to PAGE II this week.
"Was it the dreads?-The story behind MY break up with Jennifer Aniston" by Adam Duritz.

"The Art of the Monotone Voice" from the members of Cake.

"What was I thinking? The End of the Eagles" by Don Henley.

"Time to Get on With My Life’s WorXXX" by Ashlee Simpson.

"For the Last Time it Was David Bowie !!!" by Rod Stewart.

***Remember to Vote for the All Broadcast Team. Voting Ends February 20th.***

T&A: Tunesmith & Anthony are pleased to announce the grand opening of T&A: Tunesmith & Anthony’s Shop! Now you can own a little T&A of your own! T&A: Tunesmith & Anthony’s Shop offers fun and classy merchandise inspired by the musings of two of the most fascinating and charming individuals ever to emerge from Pittsburgh’s tri-state area, Tunesmith & Anthony. T&A merchandise also makes perfect gifts, especially for those people who you forgot to buy a Christmas gift for.

New products will be added to T&A: Tunesmith & Anthony’s Shop on a regular basis, so if you don’t see something that catches your eye right now, chances are there will be something there eventually that you’ll just have to have. Also, please feel free to submit your product ideas or requests to T&A, and we’ll try to accommodate.

Shop ’till you drop, baby!

OK Pittsburgh it’s time to speak up. I want to hear who you think belongs on the All Broadcast Team. The team will consist of 5 on air personalities. These 5 will break down into 2 co-anchors,1 sports reporter, 1 weatherperson and one I like to call “wild card”. The wild card can be a special assignment reporter,special interest reporter (aka Crawley) or another on-air personality that you believe belongs on the team.

These would be my selections.

Anchor: Adam Lynch
Co-Anchor: Ray Tannehill
Sports: Sam Nover
Weather: Bob Kudzma
Wild Card: Dee Thompson

See how easy that was. Now let’s not turn this into another button catastrophe. There were more suggestions of other buttons than actual votes for a button. Which is why I only sold 2 buttons that said “Suck My Big Dig”.

Well anyway, remember any person who has been on WTAE,WPXI,KDKA, and WPGH news telecast is elgible. The winners will receive a T-shirt with the names of the All Broadcast Team.They will also receive a plaque with their name engraved on it with the inscription “All Broadcast Team”