Tonight’s NFL Leadpipe Lock of the week is the Pittsburgh Steelers minus 11 1/2 points over the Baltimore Ravens. Enjoy the first half because this game will be over at halftime.

Tunesmith brought to my attention something of the supernatural. It seems only fitting to share this with you, the vast T&A readership today on Halloween.

There’s a new TV commercial currently airing for the DVE Morning Show. Click the link below to view it. Pay close attention to Jim Krenn. At 18 seconds into the video, Jim Krenn eerily morphs into Tim Conway.

Click here (1.9MB)

There’s an older gentleman that I see walking downtown occasionally. He looks like he’s in his mid to late 60’s. Atop his head rests what is perhaps the worst toupee I have ever seen. It’s a jet-black pompadour replete with sideburns. I’m guessing that he purchased this toupee when he was going prematurely bald 40 years ago. We all probably have self-images that are inaccurate to some degree, but I can’t fathom how this man could possibly think that he’s fooling anyone. I feel sorry for him in a way.

We all know or at least have seen men with really bad toupees. And most of us non-toupee wearers probably don’t understand why some men feel the need to cover their baldness with a rug. I can’t imagine how a man could be more embarrassed of being bald than he is of wearing a ridiculous looking hair-hat. But I suppose it is an easy trap to fall into. Once a man starts wearing a toupee, it’s hard to turn back. I mean, a man can’t go to the office for ten years with a head full of thick, lustrous hair and then show up one day looking like Gavin McLeod without drawing unwanted attention or embarrassment.

Or can he?

Every so often, certain entities designate a day or two as “forgiveness” days. I recall that the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania had a delinquent tax forgiveness program a few years ago, during which time taxpayers that owed delinquent taxes could pay their taxes and have all penalties and interest charges forgiven. Likewise, I recall Carnegie Library running a forgiveness program during which people could return long-overdue books without having to pay any fines, no questions asked. These programs provided people who felt trapped by the weight of their debts an escape, a nudge to get them to do something that they wanted to do but were reluctant to do so because of the negative consequences.

Like those people who took advantage of these forgiveness programs, I believe that there are many toupee wearers who would love to get out from under their hairpieces if only given the opportunity to do so with dignity. We here at T&A think that it’s high time that we as a society extend such an opportunity to our hairpiece-wearing brethren. Therefore, T&A hereby declares November 28, 2005 as National Toupee Forgiveness Day.

The Tenets of National Toupee Forgiveness Day:

1. Long suffering toupee wearers who have yearned to cease wearing a toupee but have not for fear of embarrassment shall stop wearing a toupee on National Toupee Forgiveness Day.
2. A habitual toupee wearing person’s failure to wear his toupee on National Toupee Forgiveness Day shall and will be interpreted as his tacit acceptance to participate in and enjoy all benefits of National Toupee Forgiveness Day.
3. The non-toupee wearing general public shall promise not to acknowledge in any manner or form that a former toupee wearing person has suddenly stopped wearing his toupee on National Toupee Forgiveness Day. No references to a participant’s appearance, past or present, shall be made either in the form of compliment or ridicule.
4. All parties involved agree to never mention or acknowledge a participant’s former toupee wearing habits into perpetuity.
5. Going forward, National Toupee Forgiveness Day shall be observed annually on the Monday following Thanksgiving.

Together, we can change this world for the better, one toupee at a time.

Due to cuts in our marketing budget resulting from increased gasoline and breakfast cereal prices, T&A must rely on you, the vast T&A readership, to spread the National Toupee Forgiveness Day word. If you would like to help, you may cut and paste the following HTML code somewhere on your web site to include the above graphic which will link to this page. Thank you.

<a href="http://www.tunesmith-anthony.com/?p=258"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v521/tunethony/toupee.gif" alt="National Toupee Forgiveness Day"/></a>

Tunesmith & Anthony are proud to present a new feature to T&A: Point – Counterpoint. We hope that this will be a recurring feature in which we will debate current events, popular culture, music and many other relevant topics.

Today’s topic: Rachael Ray

Anthony: Rachel Ray is a fraud. She’s not a chef, yet she hosts a cooking show and has “written” countless cookbooks. She’s the Regis Philbin of the culinary arts.

Tunesmith: I don’t see your point. Rachel Ray is a hot babe who can cook her ass off, in thirty minutes or less if she has to. Regis Philbin is a crotchety old man who dreams of being the Notre Dame leprechaun costumed mascot.

Calling Rachel Ray a fraud is like calling every wholesome beautiful woman in America who can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan a fraud.

Anthony: Gimme a break with the thirty minutes bullshit. I just thank God she only gets thirty minutes. What’s her obsession with numbers with the factor of 10? 30 minute meals, $40 a Day…what next—Rachel Ray’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?

Tunesmith: If the Food Network was smart they would let her do Rachel Ray’s 50 Sexiest Aprons.

Anthony: She’s porn for the retirement home set. I don’t know why men get so excited over her. At best, she’s cute and that’s in large part because she’s so nauseatingly perky and bubbly. I bet she’s one of those people who uses the phrase “for shits and giggles” excessively.

Tunesmith: Men like her because she’s real. No implants. No collagen. She’s what every man dreams of: a hot, rich babe who can cook. If I have to put up with a little “shits and giggles” for a little T&A with chocolate sauce I will.

Anthony: Oh yeah, she’s hot. One usually has to go to a shopping mall to find a woman of her stature. And she’s real, alright—real annoying. Her voice makes me want to chisel out my eardrums with a screwdriver and hammer. She could be the best lay in the world, but watching her fake smile scarf down a sloppy joe while emitting “pleasure noises” is enough to make the most virile penis limp.

Tunesmith: Direct me to the malls you shop at. The malls that I frequent are ripe with teen age Laguna Beach wannabes. Point is Rachel is a fine woman who has made a fortune on being herself. Now if you prefer the antithesis of that. Go get Somersized on the Home Shopping Network.

[After several minutes of awkward silence, we started talking about the World Series. We feel for you Scrap Iron.]

I truly applaud Sheryl Swoopes WNBA superstar who revealed in an ESPN Magazine article that she is gay. I thought it took a lot of guts for a five time all star, three time league MVP and three time Olympic gold medalist to come out publicly and risk millions of endorsement dollars because she was tired of hiding who she was and hiding the love for her unnamed partner. Swoopes is truly the most recognizable player in the WNBA and I’m sure there was a lot of pressure on her from the coperate sponsors to portray a certain image.

I also give her a lot of credit for being quoted in the article as saying “Do I think I was born this way? No. And that’s probably confusing to some , because I know a lot of people believe that you are.” I thought that took a lot of guts to say that.

I agree with her assertion that being “gay” or “straight” is not dictated at birth. I believe people lean toward being heterosexual or homosexual through life’s experiences. People are comfortable with other people for various reasons. I don’t believe it is preordained whether you will be attracted to men or women from the day you are born. Just as it isn’t preordained that you will be attracted to a certain race of people at birth.I believe that through interaction at younger ages and the safety that we feel at younger ages play a huge role in what we become the older we get. People come in and out of our life everyday and how much of a profound effect they have on us we can never measure. Add in the various physical attractions we have and ultimately our sexuality becomes more and more a crap shoot . Before everybody goes ballistic over the crap shoot remark let me explain what I mean. During high school and college the women that I was most attracted to tended to be on the bigger side. After college I met and fell in love with a beautiful woman who’s a hair over a hundred pounds. We’ve been married for 14 years . I guess what I am saying is who we are physically attracted to may be inherited from birth. Who we are sexually attracted to and emotionally attracted to comes through life’s experiences good and bad.

Then again, I’m probably way off base with this. Let me know.