Paul Williams singing the Three Dog Night classic “Old Fashioned Love Song” with Muppets.

Rolling Rock, from the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment as a tribute to your good taste. It comes from the mountain springs to you. “33”

It’s a sad day for Tunesmith & Anthony. Today was the final day that Rolling Rock was brewed and bottled at the Latrobe Brewing Company in Latrobe. If you haven’t heard, the Rolling Rock beer brand was sold to Anheuser-Busch. As God as my witness, if I had a piece of rubber hose, I’d beat Ed McMahon down into a quivering mass of flesh.

For most of my adult life, I have considered Rolling Rock the nectar of the gods. It has seen me through divorce, the death of loved ones, Super Bowl XXX, 9/11 and the great Pittsburgh Pigeon Sniper Scare of 2006. (Seriously, Tunesmith and I were getting an afternoon ticker on at a bar in Station Square when the pigeon sniper drama unfolded live before our eyes on TV.). Rolling Rock has made countless idiots at bars seem mildly interesting, and it has miraculously made homely women look like Rebecca DeMornay.

It sort of pisses me off that the sale of Rolling Rock seemed to be an inconsequential event for most people around here. Sure, it was brewed in Latrobe, not Pittsburgh. We only consider Latrobe part of the Pittsburgh community when the freakin’ Steelers are in training camp. Besides, we have that paint remover called Iron City that can’t pay its water bills to worry about in Pittsburgh. We can’t possibly give a rat’s ass about Rolling Rock. But still, it doesn’t sit well with me.

That fat bag of wind Governor Antwan Ed Rendell can come up with a Plan B for funding a new arena, but the best he can do for saving Rolling Rock is to get the company that bottles Mike’s Hard Lemonade to take over the plant. I’m happy that the workers’ jobs have been saved, but we’re still losing a part of western Pennsylvania’s history. I bet if someone tried to move the Yuengling plant from Pottsville, PA outside of Philly, Fast Eddie would shove a live goat coated in shards of glass and jalapenos up his ass if it meant keeping the plant there.

I know Rolling Rock is just a beer. It isn’t the martini du jour or made in Belgium, but it is my beer. Our beer. It was the only beer my Sicilian immigrant grandfather would drink. Pony bottles for Christ’s sake.

Frankly, I’m torn as to where to go from here. I’m a loyal person and know that I can’t continue drinking the Jersey version of Rock. Rock is not going to come from the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe any more; it’s going to come from New Jersey. It’s not going to come from the mountain springs, and I hate to think what swill will replace the mountain springs. Tunesmith began preparing for this event weeks ago when he started drinking Blue Moon with a slice of orange, like Wendy Bell. (See “Flashing Back,” July 24) That’s a little too extreme for me. Finding a replacement is going to be tough for me. It’s like that girl who was your first true love. You never get over her, but you know that you have more love in your heart to give to move on but it’s never quite the same.

Since T&A were dubbed viral video-ists by the Tribune Review, I thought it would be fitting to put together a little video montage commemorating Rolling Rock set to Ray Price’s 1970 classic “For the Good Times.” But before I could, I stumbled upon a video of Latrobe’s answer to Woody Guthrie, a Latrobe Brewing Company worker, performing a song about Rolling Rock. I knew I couldn’t top the emotion and feeling of that, so I uploaded it to YouTube. Therefore, we tender this premium song for your enjoyment as a tribute to your good taste. It comes from the mountain springs to you. “33”

A professional bicycle race across the state is one of many ideas under consideration to celebrate Pittsburgh’s 250th anniversary. Seriously? A bicycle race? How embarrassing. Let me guess. Other festivities will include a large sculpture of Andrew Carnegie made from Rice Krispies treats and a Stephen Foster tribute concert featuring the Spin Doctors, the Gin Blossoms and Blind Melon. Wait, scratch Blind Melon; that dude is still dead.

Have you seen the new City of Pittsburgh police cruisers? They changed the decals on them, and I don’t care for the new design. They have the word “POLICE” emblazoned on the side in large, odd italic lettering. I did a University of Iowa* double take the first time I saw one of the new cruisers because you have to squint just right to see the much smaller “City of Pittsburgh” (also in bad italics) squeezed in there. Maybe that’s the point. Also, the new cruisers have big, scary battering-ram type things attached to the front of the cars. These things are called “push bumpers,” but to me and probably everyone else, they look pretty intimidating. After two controversial car chases involving City police, one resulting in the loss of two innocent lives, that battering-ram just might be sending the wrong message.

Actor John Cusack was granted a temporary restraining order today stipulating that Emily Leatherman, 31, stay at least 500 feet away from him, his home, his work, his car and any company or office where he does business. In court papers, Cusack stated that he has grown tired of Leatherman following him and shouting at him, “I want my two dollars!”

Speaking of Rice Krispies sculptures, check out the new comments.

* It never fails that on at least one Saturday during football season, I stumble upon a University of Iowa game on TV, exclaim, “Shit! I didn’t know the Steelers were on!” Then I do a double take and realize it’s not the Steelers. I usually then look around to make sure no one heard me and proceed to sit on the basement steps where I hit myself in the forehead and mutter to myself, “Stupid, stupid, stupid…”

Mako - December 10, 1933 − July 21, 2006

(Yeah, I never knew what his name was either.)

Jim Nabors and Leslie Uggams perform the Beatles’ “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.”