(I know the quality of the photo below is terrible, but it was the best I could get while driving down Bigelow Blvd. this morning.)

Have you seen this disturbing Kennywood billboard?

In case you can’t quite make it out, allow me to describe it. The billboard shows a boy and an older man, perhaps the boy’s grandfather, on a ride at Kennywood. The caption says, “Make a New Memory.” Because the photo above is not very clear, you may not be able to ascertain that the familiar Kennywood arrow is pointing directly at Grandpa’s crotch. I’m astounded.

Seriously kids, who was the marketing genius that decided to place the arrow there? Is Gary Glitter doing graphic design work from his jail cell in Vietnam? Is N.A.M.B.L.A. Day at Kennywood approaching?

Ick, Kennywood.

(Ravenac holds the sealed envelope up to his turban)
RAVENAC:   Bill Cowher.
YARONE McMAHON: Bill Cowher.
(Ravenac rips the envelope open and removes the card)
RAVENAC (reading): What did Peduto do when he realized he couldn’t beat me?

(Ravenac holds the sealed envelope up to his turban)
RAVENAC:   Linguini, Bob Marley and Dom.
YARONE McMAHON: Linguini, Bob Marley and Dom.
(Ravenac rips the envelope open and removes the card)
RAVENAC (reading): Name a pasta, a rasta and a Costa.

(Ravenac holds the sealed envelope up to his turban)
RAVENAC:   Hines Ward.
YARONE McMAHON: Hines Ward.
RAVENAC: That's what I said.
YARONE McMAHON: Correct, sir! Hines Ward!
RAVENAC: May a toothless yak gum your grandmother's pierogies.
YARONE McMAHON: (laughs)
RAVENAC: Hines Ward.
(Ravenac rips the envelope open and removes the card)
RAVENAC (reading): What part of the hospital do they keep the sick ketchup?

(Ravenac holds the sealed envelope up to his turban)
RAVENAC:   Big Ben, Big Ben and Foghorn Leghorn.
YARONE McMAHON: Big Ben, Big Ben and Foghorn Leghorn.
(Ravenac rips the envelope open and removes the card)
RAVENAC (reading): Name a jock, a clock and a cock.

YARONE McMAHON: Hi-yoooooooooooooooooooo!

In a coincidence of Time-Life Books' "Mysteries of the Unknown" proportions, Tunesmith emailed me the link to the following video last night, and I noticed this evening that last night marked the anniversary of the first installment of the Worst Cover Song of the Week. 

Believe it or not!

Now for your enjoyment, a cover of Europe's "The Final Countdown" featuring some of the finest keyboard playing you most ever heard, compliments of Tunesmith.

There is now a bicycle lane on Liberty Avenue in Bloomfield and Lawrenceville. Wow! Look at all that room!

There are better photos here, but I wanted to post the photo I took above to show my perspective of the bike lane and to show that there are parts of Liberty Avenue where there just isn't enough room for a bike lane. I can't help but notice that the symbol painted on the road resembles a chalk outline.

I don't get the whole biking thing. I loved my bicycle when I was ten years old, but as soon as I got my  learner's permit when I turned sixteen and realized I could take chicks to the movies in my parents' car, my ass never touched that bicycle again. And the outfits that serious cyclists wear? All that spandex and that styrofoam cooler-slash-helmet…it's not natural, Jack.  It's not attractive. Some bicycles hoist your spandex covered ass right to my eye level, and I can't recall ever saying, “Look at the nice ass on that chick on the Schwinn.”

Bicyclists complain about drivers being rude and inconsiderate to them and therefore feel they should have special lanes for their two-wheeled urban adventures. I don't mind sharing the road with people on bicycles, but let's keep things in perspective. The streets are paved for motorized vehicles. If not for automobiles and trucks, there would be no nice smooth surface for bicyclists to ride on. I'm conscientious to people on bikes even though they are often pains in my ass, but if you ride your bicycle in a city designed in 1880, you do so at your own risk. And get the hell out of the way when you have room.

Tunesmith is paying another visit to the tri-state area during the week of July 4th. To celebrate his return, we are going to have a parade. OK, not really a parade. It would be more like a car cruise. Here's what we have in mind.

Tunesmith will rent a convertible, and he and I will drive a predetermined route throughout Pittsburgh. Our initial thought is that we would hit the major thoroughfares such as Liberty Avenue, Fifth, Walnut, East Carson, etc. We would either post the entire route or certain checkpoints that we would pass on this here blog to allow the vast T&A readership to plan on where to congregate.

While driving, we would wave to our adoring fans and throw candy. I'm thinking Bit-O-Honey, but that is up for discussion. Perhaps we would also throw beads. 

Our journey would end at an establishment that serves alcoholic beverages, and you, the vast T&A readership, would be welcomed to join us for cocktails. 

This marvelous idea is contingent on two things for us to "green light" it:

1. We would need someone to give us advice on where we can procure two magnetic signs to affix to the sides of the vehicle in order to identify T&A to our adoring fans, and
2. We would like to have a rough idea of how many of our adoring fans would join us so we can plan accordingly (choosing the venue, knowing how much Bit-O-Honeys to buy).

Everybody loves a parade! Or a car cruise. Or two of the most fascinating and charming individuals ever to emerge from Pittsburgh's tri-state area driving around throwing candy at people. 

Whatya say Pittsburgh?