When I was in eighth grade, a girl in the seventh grade had a massive crush on me. Yes, I was even fascinating and charming then. That year, I missed the week of school before Christmas vacation because I was sick. Every Christmas, the parish priest would give every kid in grade school a box of candy. He was cool like that. Since I wasn't in school that week to get my box of candy and unbeknownst to me, the girl who had a crush on me volunteered to personally deliver the box of candy to my house.

One evening that week, the door bell rang. No one was there when I answered the door, but there on the porch was the box of candy from the priest and a small brown paper bag. Inside the paper bag was a Christmas card from this girl and probably two months' worth of Love Is cartoons clipped from the newspaper.

When we returned to school after Christmas vacation, I thanked that girl, and I think I even slow danced with her at the next school dance, but that was as far as the relationship went. I wasn't interested in having a girlfriend back then. I was smarter then, but I digress.

I don't know what made me think of all of that recently, but it made me wonder if those Love Is cartoons are still published. After all, a cartoon featuring two naked little kids created by a hippie (I assume) probably seems a bit odd now. It turns out that the cartoons are still being churned out, now written by the son of the original author, now deceased. And I was right about the cartoon seeming a bit inappropriate with the passage of time. This is the cartoon from yesterday.

OK, so the big-eyed, genitalia-less kids are creepy enough, but check out the next door neighbor. I can't say for sure, but it looks like he's staring at the boy's ass. And any notion that I may be reading into this too much seems to be negated by his porn mustache. That's a nice touch.

And where's his other hand? OK, I'll stop. But that's some creepy shit, Jack.

Roz from Monsters Inc. and Drew Carey

It must be the week for unwanted nudity. First, an anti-war group calling themselves Breasts Not Bombs protested at a Hillary Clinton event.

I think I'd choose bombs over those breasts. 

And now Inside Edition is running commercials for a story airing this evening about Pittsburgh grannies making a nude calendar.

Both of these stories demonstrate another one of "Anthony's Life Truths" : Women most willing to get naked in public are usually the ones you never want to see naked. 

OK, I have to go eat a few Tums now and wash them down with a glass of Brioschi.  

Sandcastle is currently asking yinz guys to help select a mascot for the water park. (h/t Abby) The choices are Tiki Niki, Sir Salamander, Dunkin Dragon, Captain Crab, and Sandy. I'd probably vote for Captain Crab, but I think all the choices are pretty lame. Therefore, I have put together the following list of alternative mascots that I hope Sandcastle will also consider. Feel free to comment with your own suggestions.

Anthony's Suggested Sandcastle Mascot Choices

• Rita Cellulita
• Stretchmark Steve
• Ye Olde Beer Belly
• Flo Camel Toe
• Justin Timberfake
• Hairy Harry