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Comedic giant Harvey Korman has died. He was 81.
In tribute, I repost below something that originally appeared on T&A on January 10, 2005 in its entirety. Enjoy.
Harvey Kor-maniac
Posted by: Anthony in Pittsburgh, Entertainment
Since there wasn’t a Steelers game to watch yesterday, I decided last week that it would be a good day to do a nice deed for a "lady friend" of mine. For reasons that I could not understand, she told me a few weeks ago that she wanted to see the Tim Conway & Harvey Korman show at the Benedum yesterday. She said that she has always been a big Harvey Korman fan, which I found a bit surprising because I don’t find Harvey Korman particularly funny. Sure, he was funny in a few movies and on the Carol Burnett Show, but he doesn’t do anything that comes close to the comedy of the Mr. Tudball or Dorf characters that Tim Conway has in his repertoire. Anyway, my "lady friend" has been really good to me and I wanted to do something nice for her, so I made a few phone calls and got tickets to yesterday’s show.
The show was at 2:00PM. I took my "lady friend" to lunch prior to the show. We had a few champagne cocktails, ate a good meal and I could tell she was really excited about seeing Harvey Korman. We got to the theater around 1:40PM, and we had great seats. The effort I put into getting seats in the 3rd row and the premium I paid for them were well worth it. The show began and Tim and Harvey started doing their schtick. I hate to admit it, but they were pretty damned funny. About 15 minutes into the show, I began to sense that my "lady friend’s" mood was changing. She seemed a bit irritated and confused. After about 20 minutes into the show, I asked her if something was wrong.
She said, "Well, they’re already 20 minutes into the show and Harvey Korman hasn’t made an appearance yet. What are they waiting for? I came to see Harvey Korman."
I was totally confused because Harvey Korman had been on stage right in front of us since the show started. I wondered if she had too many champagne cocktails at lunch but then assumed she was trying to make some sort of joke so I smirked back trying to act like I understood her joke.
"I’m not kidding," she whispered, "Where the hell is Harvey Korman?"
"He’s right there," I said as I pointed to him.
She looked at me like I was crazy, "That’s not him. He’s too old and looks nothing like Harvey Korman."
I started getting irritated at this point, "What the hell are you talking about? That’s Harvey Korman!"
People around us started looking at us to see what the commotion was about.
"There’s no way that’s Harvey Korman," she replied, "That’s not the same guy that was in ‘The Piano’ or ‘Reservoir Dogs’."
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.
She went on, "You know, the actor in ‘Cop Land’?"
"You saw ‘Cop Land’? Ha! No one saw ‘Cop Land’!"
"’Point of No Return’?" she questioned.
Then I made the connection, "Harvey Keitel! You came here thinking you were going to see Harvey Keitel? You thought Harvey Keitel was touring with Tim Conway? You can’t be serious?"
"Oh, it just figures that you realized who I meant after I mentioned ‘Point of No Return’ with that little slut Bridget Fonda. I always knew you had a thing for her!"
People started shushing us.
"I can’t believe this. And Bridget Fonda is a piece of ass…" I said angrily.
"What is the guy’s name again?" she interupted.
Just then, the crowd began to laugh loudly in reaction to whatever was happening on stage, so I had to raise my voice for her to hear. "That is Harvey Korman. That is NOT Harvey Keitel!" I yelled. And just as I yelled "That is not Harvey Keitel," the crowd suddenly became quiet and everyone in the whole theater heard me yell "Harvey Keitel." I felt like a fool.
Harvey Korman looked in our direction and tried to squint to see who was making the fuss in the crowd. He put his hand over his eyes to block out the stage lights in an attempt to see the audience. He paused, and then said gingerly, "Did someone just ask for Harvey Keitel?" The crowd laughed in response. He walked to the edge of the stage in front of us and then screamed in what I can best describe as an Adam Sandler-like scream, "You want Keitel? Well, there’s the door!" and he pointed to the exit. He was pissed! He turned slowly and began to walk back to the middle of the stage when I heard him say what sounded like "Your mother!"
At that point, I figured the day was a total loss–I blew a few hundred bucks on lunch and tickets for a show neither one of us wanted to see, plus I already made an ass out of myself in public—I figured I may as well have some fun. As Mr. Korman walked toward center stage with his back to us, I yelled, "You’ll never have the comedic timing of Knotts!" Dead silence. I knew that would make him flip his lid. It’s no secret that Harvey Korman was always jealous of the success Tim Conway enjoyed with Don Knotts in such hit movies as, "The Apple Dumpling Gang", "Gus", and "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again." His disdain for Knotts is famous. Korman slowly turned around and was visibly even more pissed, turning all Halloween orange and chimney red. I thought he might have a stroke. Just then, Tim Conway grabbed Korman by the arm and the curtains closed.
Ushers or security people, whoever they were, began to mill about the place. I was amazed that no one figured out that I was the person that heckled Mr. Korman. Perhaps that’s a reflection of the type of people who are Tim Conway and Harvey Korman fans—not too perceptive.
After about 5 minutes, the curtains opened and the show continued, but things were a little awkward between the "lady friend" and me. I was pissed at her for being such an airhead. How can’t you know the difference between Harvey Korman and Harvey Keitel? If you’re such a big fan of someone, how is it possible that you wouldn’t know his name? I had zero interest in seeing this show, and I dumped a big chunk of change making it happen just because I wanted to do something nice for her. It was a disaster.
It was about 2:45PM when I excused myself to go to the restroom. I exited the restroom and walked outside the theater. I lit a cigarette, walked to the parking garage and got into my car. I went to a neighborhood bar and ordered a beer.
She’ll be fine, I thought to myself. I’m sure she can find a cab to take her home to Apollo.
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