The 4th annual National Toupee Forgiveness Day is just around the corner, kids! It's being observed this year on December 1, so mark your calendars, Jack. For those of you unfamiliar with its history, National Toupee Forgiveness Day was started by T&A in 2005 to give longtime toupee wearers the opportunity to get out from under their hairpieces with dignity. You can read the entire background on this special day here, but what follows is all you really need to know.

The Tenets of National Toupee Forgiveness Day:

1. Long suffering toupee wearers who have yearned to cease wearing a toupee but have not for fear of embarrassment shall stop wearing their toupees on National Toupee Forgiveness Day.
2. A habitual toupee wearing person’s failure to wear his toupee on National Toupee Forgiveness Day shall and will be interpreted as his tacit acceptance to participate in and enjoy all benefits of National Toupee Forgiveness Day.
3. The non-toupee wearing general public shall promise not to acknowledge in any manner or form that a former toupee wearing person has suddenly stopped wearing his toupee on National Toupee Forgiveness Day. No references to a participant’s appearance, past or present, shall be made either in the form of compliment or ridicule.
4. All parties involved agree to never mention or acknowledge a participant’s former toupee wearing habits into perpetuity.
5. Going forward, National Toupee Forgiveness Day shall be observed annually on the Monday following Thanksgiving.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

If you, dear member of the vast T&A readership, would like to help your fellow man by spreading the word about National Toupee Forgiveness Day, print the flyer that can be downloaded here (PDF, 418kb) and post it at your workplace lunch room or above the urinals at your favorite watering hole.

Together, we can change this world for the better, one toupee at a time.

I've been kicking around the idea of doing the occasional vlog, or video blog for those of you not hep to the blogging lingo.

Don't get your hopes up–I'm not going to show my face if I do vlog. I'll either wear a disguise or speak through a sock puppet or something. (Unless someone wants to pay me tens of thousands of dollars to show my face.) 

So I'm asking you, the vast T&A readership, for some ideas on what to vlog about. Should I discuss current events? Answer viewer mail? Crank call Tunesmith? The possibilities are endless, so help me narrow it down by leaving your feedback in the comments section of this post. If I use your idea, you shall win…my undying respect and admiration. 

City Councilman Reverand Ricky Burgess has written a two-page open letter to Senator McCain asking for an apology for "inflaming the divisions of this country," alleging that a McCain campaign worker pushed the crazy "B" face girl's "incendiary story before any confirmation of the facts."

Bravo, Councilman. The city is facing its highest homicide rate in a decade, the City's pension fund only contains 37% of the $899 million that it should have, the city's largest employer is laying off people left and right, and the economy is going down faster than Rosie O'Donnell in a room full of vaginas covered in fudge sauce, yet how did you spend your taxpayer-funded day? By typing up a two-pager to Senator McCain and by taking the low road in suggesting that the alleged pushing of the story was racially motivated by saying, "But it just seems suspicious to me that they would target this story, which has a fictional African-American person harming a non-African-American person in this city." Atta boy! That's the way to elevate the discussion, jackass. 

It's important to note that Bob Mayo confirmed with news directors at both WTAE and WPXI that the story wasn't aired until details were confirmed with Pittsburgh police. 

I hereby publicly request Councilman "Don't call me Smoky" Burgess to apologize for wasting taxpayers' hard-earned dollars by writing such a dumbass letter and also for this specific sentence excerpted from his letter:

Seriously, man. You write a letter that you are surely hoping will also get national attention, and it contains the classic its/apostrophe mistake? How can we have faith in you as one of this city's leaders to correct the homicide and pension funding problems if you can't even proofread a damned letter?

Am I to surmise from your error that African-Americans are bad at punctuation? Of course not. That would be as faulty in its logic as your allegation that the media's reporting of the crazy "B" face girl's obviously far fetched story was racially motivated. 

Now go do something constructive.

UPDATE: T&A has obtained exclusive audio of Councilman Burgess with respect to this story. Click below.

 

 Apology [0:10m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 23