The Trib interviewed the Enunciator, Andrew Stockey. Go read it now. Seriously. You must. Read it and come back here.

The only thing I'll say is that I admire the Enunciator for being so comfortable with himself, shall we say. It's admirable.

After reading that interview and realizing I have nothing interesting to write about, I thought that it might be fun to answer the same questions posed to the Enunciator. Therefore, I submit for your enjoyment, the following interview of myself.

The star who would play me in the movie version of my life:

The young Marlon Brando because I look really good in a white t-shirt.

Childhood hero:

I had several, but I’d have to narrow it down to three:

The Fonz - He was what every young Italian boy aspired to be. The shit that guy could do by snapping his fingers…Wednesday mornings at school were spent talking about what he had done the night before.

Rod Carew – My mom would take me to the library every weekend when I was a kid, and one week I picked out Carew, the biography of Rod Carew. Why I picked that book, I don’t know, but it was the first “big” book (200+ pages) that I ever read. His is an inspiring story. He was born on a train in Panama and named after the doctor who delivered him, Rodney Cline. He was one of baseball’s greatest hitters of all time. If someone would buy me a Twins jersey with the number 29 on it, I’d wear it to church on Christmas.

My dad – The single greatest influence in my life, for better or for worse. He was the smartest man that I’ll ever know.

Pick your favorite captain:

A. Kirk

B. Kangaroo

C. Crunch

D. Jack Sparrow

A. No contest—Crunch. That’s some tasty shit. You got your Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch…c’mon now.

If the TV is on at 2 a.m., I'm watching:

Probably the Food Network because there’s nothing else on.

Three people I'd love to have dinner with:

Tom Waits, Ronald Reagan and Stevie Ray Vaughan. We’d talk sports.

After a long day, I like to relax with a:

A. Martini

B. Cold beer

C. Cabernet

D. Herbal tea

B. A cold beer. None of those would be my first pick.

My quirkiest inherited trait:

I sing all day long (when not in public, of course). Got that from mom.

Pick one:

A. "American Gladiators"

B. WWE

WWE, if you smell what I’m cooking!

My favorite sandwiches, plus fixings:

The Monte Cristo. The name itself makes me feel like I should be wearing a straw fedora and ascot. Who thought ham, turkey and Swiss could feel so regal?

One word my mother would use to describe me:

Creative

Celebrity crush:

Andie MacDowell. (And you thought I was going to say Sally Wiggin, didn’t you?)

The oldest thing in my refrigerator:

Worcestershire sauce. I can’t believe I spelled that correctly on the first try. Really, I did.

My required snack in a movie theater:

Lemonheads.

When I was 10, I wanted to be:

25

Exercise I hate most:

Running

I'm deathly afraid of:

Being unemployed during the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression in a dying, rustbelt city.

If I were auditioning for "American Idol," my song would be:

“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in the style of Mandy Patinkin.

The first band I saw in concert:

Chuck Mangione with the Pittsburgh Symphony at Heinz Hall.

TV marathon I could watch all day and why:

"Anthony Bourdain No Reservations" because he's a lot like me (and I have been watching him all day recently).

The person I'm most often mistaken for:

Tunesmith

Choose one:

A. Dogs

B. Cats

A Dogs. Cats suck.

I own (I don’t know how many) pairs of shoes. My favorites are:

A pair of black Doc Marten boots.

Pick one:

A. Boxers

B. Briefs

B. Briefs. To quote Kramer from “Seinfeld,” my boys need a house.

In high school, I was:

Known as Tunesmith’s friend.

My most recent eBay purchase:

Something electronic.

The movie that always makes me cry:

"Shawshank Redemption." At the end when Red finds Andy on the beach…you have to be one cold-hearted bastard not to get misty at that shit, Jack.

My most treasured fashion accessory is:

My watch probably.

Pick one you love or hate:

A. Stripes

B. Polka dots

C. Plaid

D. Paisley

A. Stripes. I like order.

What you'll always find in my glove compartment:

A loaded Glock and a fifth of Jack Daniels, beeyotch! No, the owner’s manual that came with the freakin’ car. Dumb question.

My most embarrassing junk food:

I’m not embarrassed by junk food.

The last book I read:

I can’t remember.

It's not pizza without:

Pepperoni

Pick one:

A. Original Hot Dog Shop fries

B. Primanti Brothers fries

C. Potato Patch fries

D. Pommes frites

A. I prefer thin and crunchy to thick and mushy. Yes, I’m talking about fries.

My favorite Web site:

tunesmith-anthony.com

My most memorable fashion mistake:

Probably a hot pink skinny tie in high school.

Pick a Bond:

A. Sean Connery

B. Timothy Dalton

C. Pierce Brosnan

D. Daniel Craig

A. Connery. Best accent.

If I could live my life as someone else, it would be:

Lucky Luciano. It would be nice to whack a few people.

My childhood nickname was:

“Li’l charming and fascinating bastard”

My favorite "bad" movie is:

“Heaven Help Us,” an obscure 1980’s Andrew McCarthy film about an all boys Catholic school in the 1960’s. Great movie.

My first job:

Bagging groceries at the now defunct Food Gallery

My worst job:

All of them

My favorite cable channel:

Fox News

The song that always gets me out on the dance floor:

"Mess Around" by Ray Charles. It happened once.

If I could tour with any two bands, they would be:

The Beatles and the Jam, so I won’t be going on tour any time soon.

I never travel without my:

Luggage. I can’t imagine carrying all that stuff in my hands. THAT, my friend, would be a challenge!

People would be surprised to know that I:

Own a clarinet. It’s a Selmer, too! Can you believe it!

 

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