WDVE's Val Porter is marrying television's Frazier, Kelsey Grammer! (See 3rd pic down here.) Hope the ticker is feeling better!

Maverick GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul has booked an arena in Minneapolis to hold his own political convention to coincide with the second day of the Republican National Convention. Free aluminum foil hats will be provided to all Ron Paul supporters in attendance, and highlights of the convention will include a keynote speech by Rosie O'Donnell concerning 9/11 and the playing of all Beatles records backwards.

Favorite recent Tunesmith quote: “Chrysler does just enough to a car to make it look cheesy.”

Every time I hear or read Don Barden's name, I think of those “free beer tomorrow” signs that can be found in drinking establishments.

BMW has revealed its latest concept car, the GINA Light Visionary Model. What makes this car revolutionary is that instead of a steel or aluminum exterior, the car is draped in a flexible fabric material over a movable wire mesh frame, creating a nearly seamless surface that can alter its form at the whim of the driver. Below are photos of the car. The top photo is how GINA appears normally and the bottom photo is GINA in an aroused state. Remarkable.

The crab cake is the meatloaf of the sea.

The comedic shelf life of the phrase “that's how I roll” has officially expired, OK? Don't use it anymore.

The wonderfully talented K-Rad has rented out ModernFormations Gallery on May 16 to show the motion picture Flashdance to celebrate its 25th anniversary. $10 at the door, BYOB and door prizes that include legwarmers. More details can be found here. Be there, Jack.

I'm addicted to this salad dressing. It's the nectar of the salad gods.

I'm getting a new cell phone this week and will finally be rid of this most royal piece of shit:

I can't think of any other electronic device that has vexed me as much as this ShitR has. Pitching it in the garbage isn't enough for me. No, I want vengeance. Therefore, I am accepting creative ideas on how to fittingly destroy this vile contraption. Submit your idea to me, and if it's good, I will photograph or video it and post it here.

Former Pittsburgh Police Chief and school bus driver, Dom Costa, is running for the PA House of Representatives. A Dom Costa victory will mean that there will be three Costas serving in Pennsylvania's General Assembly and will further support my argument that Guy Costa is the Fredo Corleone of the Costa family. Guy, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, not a friend…I don't want to know you or what you do.

Quality photographs of Dolph Sweet are surprisingly hard to come by on the internet.

Since my Brobdingnagian enjoyment of anonymity precludes me from attending Blogfest 13 (I sound like Cyril Wecht!) this Friday evening, I shall post a video or audio message on Friday that can be played at Blogfest in my absence. You know, like celebrities do for award shows when they are shooting a movie in Guam or playing a concert in Prague. If someone could bring a laptop to the event, get the gang's attention and make sure my video or audio message is played, I would appreciate it. A photo of all in attendance gathered around the laptop top, attentively watching or listening to said message, would rock.

Happy day! The Basher is coming in concert! 91.3FM WYEP rocks! (The Three Rivers Arts Festival and the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust not so much.)

Speaking of “happy day,” don't miss a once in a lifetime opportunity this weekend to witness a Happy Days Reunion right here in Pittsburgh, featuring Henry Winkler, Cindy Williams & Erin Moran! The three stars will be appearing at the AutoRama World of Wheels at the convention center this weekend. And for $20, you can get the Fonz' autograph, for $15 you can get Cindy Williams' autograph, and for another $15, Erin Moran will sign an autograph and park your car. I'll be the dude walking around with the red bandana tied around his thigh.

Ha-ha! Made you Google “Dolph Sweet.”

T&A would like to congratulate Margaret Lanier for her appointment to the position of treasurer for the city of Pittsburgh. According to the press release, technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology. Furthermore, technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology. Note that technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology technology. Technology.

I have the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions.

Myron Cope spent most of yesterday thinking Heath Miller was found dead in a NYC apartment.

I can't believe Pittsburgh didn't think of this first. We've been out-Irished. All I can say is, 'Wow.'

Mark Brentley is a dick.

It seems like everyone is up in arms over Kennywood being sold to a Spanish company. I'm looking forward to the Charo-themed water ride. Cuchi-cuchi!

Can we stop talking about the Led Zeppelin reunion already? I'm going to say something that I know is unpopular, especially in Pittsburgh, but I hate Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant's voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard. He sounds like he's stepping on his balls, which, at this point in his life, he might just be doing.

It's been a while since it has happened, but we got another irate Rachael Ray fan that left a comment. It's pretty good. Check it out. And Rachael Ray still sucks.

Chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.

What is a heart attack?

I did a test run of the podcast of me driving to work this morning, but the sound quality wasn't where it needs to be but I'll work on that. Despite the not-so-great audio, I've decided to give you, the vast T&A readership, a little preview, so click on the little arrow thing at the bottom of this post to listen. To protect my anonymity, I decided electronically disguise my voice, but I think it has actually enhanced the experience by making me sound a little like David Sedaris. Enjoy.

 

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