“Facts of Life” Nude by C. Zimmerman

Acrylics on  16" x 20" on Masonite board

From the listing:

(T)his is an original hand-painted piece by L.A. area artist and "Golden Gals Gone Wild" exhibitor, C. Zimmerman - not a reproduction. This artist's work has been featured in Bizarre Magazine and The Globe.

Mrs. Garrett teaches the girls a thing or two about growing up. Features Mrs, Garrett (Charlotte Rae), Blair (Lisa Whelchel), Jo (Nancy McKeon), Natalie (Mindy Cohn) and Tootie (Kim Fields) topless. Blair's cousin, Geri (Geri Jewell) is wearing her famous "I don't have cerebral palsey. I'm drunk" T-shirt. Comes with black frame with gold trim (as shown in listing). A fun, sexy piece for collectors of erotic art and Facts of Life memorabilia - don't miss this opportunity!

Click here to see uncensored version and to bid. WARNING: NSFW and may cause severe mental and emotional scarring. Seriously, there should be a mandatory span of thirty days between any thoughts of Charlotte Rae and nipples. The same holds true for Mindy “Natalie” Cohn. At least the artist had the decency of keeping the shirt on the one with cerebral palsy, 'cause you know, that would be in bad taste.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…a really disturbing painting that can be yours for as low as $95. Hurry because bidding ends on June 26th!

untitled by yu yin xin

Oils on 24" x 36" canvas 

I'm glad the weather is supposed to get milder over the next few days because I don't think I can stand another one of those 93 degree days.  You know what I'm talking about, fellas–those hot and humid Pittsburgh summer days, too hot to do anything. And to cool off, there's only one thing you can do. You go to the room where the watermelons are, strip down to your Jockeys exposing your shining, freshly shorn body, bust open one of those juicy melons and eat it with your bare hands. That's living, Jack. And you look so good doing it in your Kirk Douglas haircut. 

Finally, an artist has captured this phenomenon on canvas and for only $24.99, you can hang this beautiful moment on your living room wall. 

“Big Tex” by Harley

Oils on 14” X 14” archival board.

Artist Harley describes himself as being known for “his images of hyper masculine men committing acts of domination, military drills, and biker brawls and designed to seduce even the toughest of men.”

Click here to see the uncensored version and place your bid. WARNING: NSFW and really, not safe for your mental health, either. Bidding starts at $200. Good luck!

Tunesmith called me yesterday to bring to my attention a story about a guy who paints portraits with his penis. As we discussed the ingenuity of this man, we began to contemplate what famous paintings may have looked like had the Masters painted them with their penises. For example, what would the Mona Lisa look like if DaVinci would have painted it with his DaWinkie? Here’s what we think some famous paintings might have looked like had they been painted with penis rather than brush:

What was up with the maroon velvet outfit Ellen DeGeneres was wearing? It looked like Captain Kangaroo's smoking jacket. And the white jazz shoes? Jazz shoes? I had a pair of jazz shoes. In 1985.

Can someone please tell me what the fuck Randy Newman ever did? Wasn't he banging Penny Marshall at some point? Who builds a career on writing hokey songs for movies? Seriously. Elton John sang enough songs for animated films, but at least he gave us “Your Song.” Can this overweight podiatrist looking asshole please stop writing bland songs for movies and/or can the “Academy” please stop recognizing him for this shit?

God, it was great seeing Jerry Seinfeld. I really wish he didn't take the Johnny Carson route in “retirement” and pretty much disappear, but I can't say that I blame him.

Al Gore. At the Oscars. Winning, no less? I closed my lips tight. Pressed my hand over my mouth as reinforcement. And gulped back down the puke that built up in my mouth after seeing Al freakin' Gore getting an award for a freakin' documentary. They should change the name of the documentary category to "Award for Fat Hypocritical Bag of Wind Who Never Did Shit."

The Oscars reminded me that Martin Scorsese has eyebrows almost as impressive as those of Ken Rice.

Celine Dion is still creepy.

What was Quincy Jones wearing?

I was pissed Eddie Murphy didn't win even though I didn't see the movie. I wanted to see that speech.

I was also pissed the dude from the original “Bad News Bears” didn't win, too. He's all bald and freaky looking now.

Clint Eastwood translating Italian. That shit rocks. You know that even “Right turn, Clyde” in Italian sounds poetic.