As if it isn’t bad enough that Don Barden has been reduced to checking under his sofa cushions for some extra scratch to get contractors back to work on the North Side casino, he has now announced that he is going to “delay” plans for certain amenities in his original proposal. Little things, like an outdoor amphitheater, boat dock, brick paving and native grasses. I know you're all saying, “What? Not the native grasses! Anything but the native grasses!” I'm with you on that one, Jack.

At this rate, I visualize the final casino as a series of empty refrigerator boxes with a slot machine in each, and a sandwich truck standing by to provide cold prepackaged turkey sandwiches and stale coffee to patrons. How marvelously and typically “Pittsburgh” and “Pennsylvania” for something as simple as getting a single building constructed to turn into a big pile of shit.

Let’s briefly review how we got here. A huge commission was formed, they studied three proposals at great length, held public hearings, studied drawings and architectural designs, supposedly performed due diligence, background and credit checks, and after months of deliberations, they picked the guy who can’t get a glorified video arcade built. Could these decision makers really be that inept, or are they just huge Smokey Robinson fans? Tears of a Clown can be a rapscallion of an earworm, you know. But if Barden had the best proposal, what were the financing plans of the other two parties–Master Card and the commission rejected them because they failed to provide the three-digit security code on the back of the card?

And isn’t this also typical of our governor, that fat bag o’wind, Antwan Ed Rendell, to be totally silent about all of this right now? Where has his fat worthless ass been during all of this (other than consuming mass quantities of pizza, sandwiches, hoagies and yes, more sandwiches)? From 2002 when he first ran for governor to the present, the single proposal that he has pushed the hardest and spoken about the loudest has been gaming. Casinos have been Rendell’s baby. We have been told by Antwan Ed Rendell countless times that the casinos are going to cure Pennsylvania’s ills; casinos this, casinos that. Casinos are supposed to benefit old people, offer property tax relief, increase tourism, create jobs, get rid of unwanted facial hair, remove embarrassing stains from bed sheets, fade age spots and teach you how to make money on Ebay. But six years have passed already, and it doesn’t appear that we’re any closer to getting the Pittsburgh casino built than we were six years ago when the bag o’wind was elected.

Part of me hopes the casino will never be completed and whatever assemblage of steel and concrete that stands at the casino site today will remain as a monument to Ed Rendell into perpetuity. That way, drunken Steeler fans and the North Side’s vast hobo population can fittingly pay tribute to the governor regularly by pissing on it.

Tunesmith called me late last night laughing at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert in London which he had DVR'ed. After Tunesmith correctly observed that Paul Simon was the only aged rocker to successfully employ African influences in his songs, the conversation turned to the cast of misfits performing at this concert. Because really, there is no more fitting way to celebrate the 90th birthday of a terrorist than with performances by the likes of Kanye West, Will Smith and Amy Winehouse.

We discussed how this concert was something like Amy Winehouse's 13th or 14th comeback performance and how she soon will be dead. So we figured, it's such a rare occasion to be able to watch a celebrity slowly die like this that we should take advantage of the situation and create an Amy Windehouse death poll for the vast T&A readership. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! 

So here are the official T&A Amy Winehouse Death Poll rules:

1. To enter the T&A Amy Winehouse Death Poll, simply click the "Contact T&A" link at the top of the page and submit the following:

a. Month, day and year that you believe Amy Winehouse will die.
b. Cause of death. Choices are: Accidental drug overdose, Suicide (includes intentional drug overdose), Natural causes, or Other (please specify). This will be used as a tie-breaker in the event of a tie.
c. Time of death (Eastern Standard Time). This will be used as yet another tie-breaker in the event of a tie of a and b above.

2. Be sure to include a valid email address and a name to be displayed on the T&A Amy Winehouse Death Poll page.

3. Only one entry allowed per person.

4.The winner shall receive a spoon, Bic lighter and a T&A t-shirt!

5. Entries will be accepted until the contest is over.

6. Employees of Tunesmith & Anthony and their immediate families are ineligible. Coupons redeemable at participating Red Lobster restaurants. 

That's it. 

After a few entries are received, I will create a page and post all entries. Get in on the fun before it's too late!

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There were the torrential downpours on 70 West, blinding rain the likes of which I hadn't experienced in a long time.

There were the elevator rides at the hotel, chock full of drunken redneck lesbians, some toting 30-packs of Busch Light.

And then there was the beautifully ornate, even whimsical theater that provided a perfectly fitting setting.

There was the crowd. There's no such thing as a casual Tom Waits fan—you either like him or you don't. You either “get” him, or you don't. So there weren't any rude conversations in the background, no overly drunk or stoned assholes, no tag-along jackasses who only went because someone had a spare ticket. It was one big room full of excited and captivated fans.

And when the lights went down, there was little choice but to be captivated.

Then there was the band. The band was awesome. They could put out a huge sound when needed just as well as a gentle waltz.

But everyone came to see Tom Waits. Stomping his feet, waving his arms, strutting with bullhorn under his arm like a baton…the visual was almost as good as the music itself. There's nothing I can write to describe the experience properly. I'm just glad I got to experience it.

Heh.

(Aside: Not sure why "pittgirl identity" would lead here. I don't write about Ken Rice frequently.)

Acrylics on  16" x 20" on Masonite board

From the listing:

(T)his is an original hand-painted piece by L.A. area artist and "Golden Gals Gone Wild" exhibitor, C. Zimmerman - not a reproduction. This artist's work has been featured in Bizarre Magazine and The Globe.

Mrs. Garrett teaches the girls a thing or two about growing up. Features Mrs, Garrett (Charlotte Rae), Blair (Lisa Whelchel), Jo (Nancy McKeon), Natalie (Mindy Cohn) and Tootie (Kim Fields) topless. Blair's cousin, Geri (Geri Jewell) is wearing her famous "I don't have cerebral palsey. I'm drunk" T-shirt. Comes with black frame with gold trim (as shown in listing). A fun, sexy piece for collectors of erotic art and Facts of Life memorabilia - don't miss this opportunity!

Click here to see uncensored version and to bid. WARNING: NSFW and may cause severe mental and emotional scarring. Seriously, there should be a mandatory span of thirty days between any thoughts of Charlotte Rae and nipples. The same holds true for Mindy “Natalie” Cohn. At least the artist had the decency of keeping the shirt on the one with cerebral palsy, 'cause you know, that would be in bad taste.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…a really disturbing painting that can be yours for as low as $95. Hurry because bidding ends on June 26th!

]]> http://tunesmith-anthony.com/2008/06/22/lol-luke-11/feed/ http://tunesmith-anthony.com/2008/06/19/ta-motivational-posters/ http://tunesmith-anthony.com/2008/06/19/ta-motivational-posters/#comments Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:34:41 +0000 Anthony Hodge-Podge http://tunesmith-anthony.com/2008/06/19/ta-motivational-posters/ As the vast T&A readership can probably tell by the infrequency of my posts, the blogging tank has been empty lately. I really don't know why that is. I was thinking that I need something to motivate me and what better way to get motivated than to create some motivational posters?! 

From this day forward, I shall refer to my penis as my monster kangaroo pounder (MKP for short).  

Oils on 24" x 36" canvas 

I'm glad the weather is supposed to get milder over the next few days because I don't think I can stand another one of those 93 degree days.  You know what I'm talking about, fellas–those hot and humid Pittsburgh summer days, too hot to do anything. And to cool off, there's only one thing you can do. You go to the room where the watermelons are, strip down to your Jockeys exposing your shining, freshly shorn body, bust open one of those juicy melons and eat it with your bare hands. That's living, Jack. And you look so good doing it in your Kirk Douglas haircut. 

Finally, an artist has captured this phenomenon on canvas and for only $24.99, you can hang this beautiful moment on your living room wall. 

Maverick GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul has booked an arena in Minneapolis to hold his own political convention to coincide with the second day of the Republican National Convention. Free aluminum foil hats will be provided to all Ron Paul supporters in attendance, and highlights of the convention will include a keynote speech by Rosie O'Donnell concerning 9/11 and the playing of all Beatles records backwards.

Favorite recent Tunesmith quote: “Chrysler does just enough to a car to make it look cheesy.”

Every time I hear or read Don Barden's name, I think of those “free beer tomorrow” signs that can be found in drinking establishments.

BMW has revealed its latest concept car, the GINA Light Visionary Model. What makes this car revolutionary is that instead of a steel or aluminum exterior, the car is draped in a flexible fabric material over a movable wire mesh frame, creating a nearly seamless surface that can alter its form at the whim of the driver. Below are photos of the car. The top photo is how GINA appears normally and the bottom photo is GINA in an aroused state. Remarkable.